FIRST POST!!!!

With the tireless task of sitting at a desk for 7 hours a day, We Got Dem Things When We Land is the perfect solution to my otherwise empty life. After years of searching for an alternative outlet to vent about steroids, Black Rob, the Sixers, Gucci Mane, potent marijuana, Hipsters and their facial hair trends, my desire to strangle Bob Costas, Joe Buck, and Gary Mathews, as well as the one and only Philadelphia Freeway (who if you have not realized gave us the inspiration needed to begin a world-famous super blog) I have finally come to realize that a blog is the only way I will ever be able to share my voice with the world. With that said, I introduce myself to anyone that will read this blog as Marsellus Wallace

I must admit my angst when it comes to my first ever post (that very few will ever read) however, seeing as though the 2009 NBA Finals has finally concluded I feel it is a fitting topic to address in my first ever post. So to begin, congratulations to the LA Lakers, assistant coach Jack Nicholson, Phil Jackson, Kobe Bryant, these guys, David Stern (for allowing the NBA refs to bet on the games) Dwight Howard (For being the strongest 7 footer without a single post move) and Andrew Bynum (for looking clueless every minute of the playoffs, therefore officially gaining the infamous “cupcake” status that so far has only been award to the one and only Haitian sensation Sammy D... Oh yeah and Glen Davis). With that said… those words will undoubtedly be the last praising words ever spoken on this blog of the raging douchebag also know as Kobe Bryant. Forget the rape charge, forget his failure to acknowledge the fact the HE IS NOT FROM PHILLY, I repeat HE IS NOT FROM PHILLY, and forget the fact he broke the male code of silence by snitching on Shaq about his alleged infidelity, when it comes down to it he just seems like he is trying too damn hard to get people to like him, give up already, Shaq will always be funnier, stronger, better, more magical, cooler and sexier picture than you… Yeah I said it.

Now, to quickly address the Orlando Magic… Two Words—You Choked. You made the New York Mets look like a team of clutch performers. From Courtney Lee’s missed layup, to the Horrendous Game 4 melt-down that was all but given to them by the referees (who undoubtedly lost money betting on the Magic in this one) a game where Rashard Lewis scored 6 points, followed by a game where Dwight Howard had 11, you guys could not have let down your fans any worse. After a phenomenal series against the Cavs, you guys couldn’t buy a bucket. Not to mention that having Ron Jeremy as your head coach probably didn’t help your chances of success against the Zen Master (Who is most likely on my list of Top 7 people I would love to smoke weed with, 6 spots behind Snoop Dogg)

Enough about the teams or the games, the real story of these playoffs was the Officiating. The NBA referees are so bad that I expect them to make the wrong call every time up the court. The key to officiating is consistency, and the NBA and their attempts at calling fouls is for a lack of better words… inconsistent. They try to control the game and in the process ruined the playoffs and the integrity of the NBA. Aside from the fact that they call flagrant fouls as if they were officiating WNBA games, and call technical’s in an attempt to remove all emotion from playoff basketball (someone explain that to me), they also appear to be extremely reluctant to call fouls against the home team… especially if they are losing in the series (see game 4 of NBA finals). If Tim Donaghy can get assaulted in a minimum security white collar prison, can’t I wish that someone would also assault Joey Crawford, Steve Javie, Mark Wunderlich, Bennett Salvatore and Violet Palmer???… yeah I said it!!! DAVID STERN, there is a crisis and you are failing to acknowledge it, one of your refs bet on games and called another ref (Scott Foster) over 100 times before games. You are turning a blind eye, just like Bud Selig (who, if you plan on assaulting Joey Crawford please get Selig too) did to steroids. David Stern, you are a good commissioner, but please don’t let this go any farther… let’s be honest, most of the refs are too damn old to react quick enough to call these fouls on the move. If Dick Bevetta can’t beat Sir Charles’ fat ass down the court in a race, why does the NBA think that he would be able to keep up with Lebron James when he slashes to the hole.

Speaking of the King… Rumor has it that the Cavs are going to do everything in their power to trade for the Big Aristotle, officially making him and Lebron James the Most unstoppable duo since Siegfried and Roy. They would require constant post and perimeter double teams, and would become the first NBA team in history to go 82 and 0. With that said, Lebron chill on New York talks for now… Honestly Shaq is cooler than Jay-Z, not to mention that you and Shaq could run the table with me pushing the point, so sit back, relax and wait, next year you’ll get yours.

MW